The Passion of Father William

‘Twas early Tuesday morning in the Templar camp, when the smell of bacon came wafting in from the camp next door. Smelling the bacon, everyone became hungry for bacon, but alas there was none in the camp. The day went on and the Templar slew many a heathen on the field of battle, but the thought of bacon never left their minds. After their triumphant return, the subject of bacon came up once again this time with Benedict shouting “Gwynedd, we want your bacon”. This angered Father William; he then banished Benedict from the camp. Benedict picked up his chair walked over and sat down just outside the front of the camp waiting for the time when he may return. Stephanus, noting a banishing happened in years past and was offended at Father William for repeating it, and banished him from the camp, Father William picked up his chair and join his brother, waiting to return. But that time would not come, for the rest of the Templar kept getting offended, and banished more people who picked up their chairs and sat just outside the camp.

The banishments continued unbeknownst to the female Templar who were all sitting around the fire away from the rest of the group under the canopies, until there were so many men outside the camp that the remaining few joined them at the fire. It was the then that the women devised a plot so devious, so sinister, that only the evil mind of a woman could think of it. They would banish the rest of the men and claim the camp for their own. It was not long before the last two men in the camp Alexander and Zoop the mercenary were banished from the camp. With their plot succeeding they renamed the group The Pretty Pink Princesses. This did not sit well with the men who were being harassed by Doughnut the goblin from the Church of Nome. It was then that the true intention of the female plot was divulged, to have the men dance to gain re-entry into the camp! It was decided that Father William was to blame for this and The Count ordered him executed by the hand of his brother, Benedict, Father William ran and Benedict gave chase. During this time, two of the men, Godfrey and Wolfgang decided to betray their brethren and dance for the women, however, the rest of the men did not falter and refused to dance for the women.

Upon the return of Father William, Godfrey raised The Mace of Righteousness and beat the crap out of Father William. It was then agreed upon that the public stoning of Father William would forgive the men and lift they’re banishments. So then the great siege rocks of Richard were brought out and Father William was stoned with every ounce of strength the Templar had. It was then that who happened to walk by but Jesus himself! Jesus being the nice guy that he is decided the resurrect Father William; Jesus proceeded to hit Father William with his flail. They found however that hitting Father William with a flail was not the correct resurrecting procedure, and it was discovered that this was not Jesus of Nazareth but Jesus of Galidor. A stone was cast at the imposter and he was killed, but it seems that Jesus of Galidor was not a complete imposter, because it was then that he rose from the dead but not as a human he rose as a zombie!

It was then that the zombie outbreak began. Screams and moans could be heard far and wide as the zombie took control. One brave soul found that the word of the lord cleansed the zombie of their disease. With few bibles in hand the assault began, people be cleansed only to be bitten again. Finally after a long battle the zombies were defeated. “Where’s Father William?” said one of the Templar. During the confusing of the battle he was captured by the Church of Nome, the Templar could not stand for this they amassed their armies and marched on the Church of Nome. Nome sent out their fighters and the battle ensued, the line of the Templar quickly became loose as the bodies of the righteous fell limp, Griswald who had lost an arm went to a rage and charged though field stabbing people with his spear single-handedly before he was brought down after many a kill. As the dust settled only a few scattered fighter were left standing… Victory for the Crusaders! But wait, for the war was not over yet, Nome and the Templar re-massed their armies and fought again, and again victory was to the Templar. Father William was returned and all rejoiced but the hordes kept coming and the battle continued until there were no fighters from Nome nor Templar, they had all heard the cry of battle and joined the war and the fighting continued well into the darkness. It was then that the shenanigans of the day that started with the smell of bacon, and ended with a holy war was dubbed “The Passion of Father William”

-The End